Grief and the Autistic Spectrum

Grief and the Autistic Spectrum

We are all faced with grief and loss at some point. It can be the loss of a job, end of a relationship, having to relocate or sadly bereavement. Coping with grief is always a deeply personal experience, and autistic individuals will have even more unique ways of processing and dealing with grief, loss and bereavement.

Autistic people may find it difficult to cope with grief due to a combination of cognitive, emotional, sensory, and social factors. This blog gives reasons why autistic people may struggle with grief and bereavement and offers strategies that might help.

1. Difficulty Understanding and Expressing Emotions:

Autistic people often have problems articulating their emotions or even identifying them accurately, making it difficult first to process and then to express grief in ways that others can understand. They also have difficulty recognizing and understanding the emotional cues and reactions of others. This adds layers of complexity to social interactions related to the grieving process.

Euphemisms and ambiguous language used to talk about death can lead to misunderstandings and increased anxiety for Autistic people who often find abstract concepts like death and afterlife confusing. Autistic people usually prefer a more literal way of thinking.

1. Social Expectations Change and Uncertainty:

Autistic people generally rely on routine and need predictability. Loss of any kind can be particularly distressing as it can create uncertainty and impact routines that usually provide security and comfort. These disruptions of daily routines and the rituals around mourning with related social expectations can be overwhelming.

The often complex social norms and expectations around grieving and loss are usually difficult to navigate for autistic people. Struggling to find socially acceptable ways to express condolences, accept comfort others, or seek support for themselves autistic people often appear to be either over reacting or showing no emotion at all which does not always reflect their internal emotional state. Submerging themselves in their special interests could be a distraction and a source of comfort but might be misunderstood by others.

Instead of conventional expressions of grief autistic people might use an intense focus on selected details of the loss as a coping mechanism. However particularly painful details could also serve as a source of heightened anguish and distress.

3.     Sensory Sensitivities:

Sensory sensitivities can become more pronounced under stress making the sensory overload associated with mourning activities like expressions of sympathy, family gatherings or funerals difficult to handle. Autistic people may need sensory-friendly ‘break-out spaces’ to process their grief without added stress.

1.  Mental Health Issues:

Autistic people have higher rates of mental health conditions like anxiety and depression, etc which are often complicated and exacerbated by the grieving process. These pre-existing conditions could make coping more difficult.

The disconnect with society and often even their own emotional state often makes it difficult for people on the autistic spectrum to look for and find help. They might not know how to seek help and when they do they will find it challenging to recognise and communicate their needs effectively.

There is sometimes a lack of understanding and sufficient training regarding these challenges to help caregivers, family members, and professionals provide more effective and compassionate support to autistic individuals as they navigate their grief.

Useful strategies and considerations that might help autistic people cope with grief:

1. Clear Communication and Information:

Avoid using euphemisms to ‘soften the blow’ which often actually adds to their anxiety as Autistic people struggle to understand nuance and ambiguity.  Provide clear, concrete information about the loss to help reduce confusion and anxiety. The best way to address the situation is usually by explaining event and the implications in a straightforward manner, avoiding euphemisms.

1. Routine and Structure:

Routine and order are very important to autistic people so maintain a routine to provide a sense of stability and normalcy during emotional upheaval. If the bereavement means major changes and new routines make sure that changes are rationally and calmly explained.

1. Emotional Expression:

Respect the autistic person’s way of expressing grief, which might differ from neurotypical expressions. Encourage the expression of feelings through any preferred methods including talking, writing, drawing, or another form of creative expression.

1. Sensory Considerations:

Create a calm environment that reduces sensory overload. Ear defenders or headphones can be useful as can dimmed lighting. Some people find weighted blankets useful they should not be used for infants or small children and should never exceed 10% of the body weight at the most. In addition a weighted blanket should not be used if there is confirmed or suspected  diabetes, difficulty breathing, including asthma and sleep apnoea, circulation or blood pressure issues, fragile skin, a rash or an open wound, claustrophobia, cleithrophobia

1. Social Support:

Provide support from trusted family members, friends, or caregivers who understand the autistic person’s needs and communication style. It could also be helpful to facilitate connections with support groups or therapists who have experience working with neuro diversity.

1. Professional Help:

Look for support from professionals such as therapists or counsellors who specialize in grief and have experience working with autistic clients. If needed, try exploring different therapeutic approaches, such as cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) tailored for autism.

1. Memory and Remembrance:

Allow the grieving person to process loss and remember at their own pace and in their own way. There are ways of creating tangible ways to remember, such as a memory box, photo album, or a special ritual that some people find comforting.

1. Resources:

Refer to books, articles, or other resources that explain grief and loss in a way that is accessible and relatable to the affected person. Using real world examples or even stories can help explain the concept of loss and what to expect during the grieving process.

1. Physical Health:

Monitor the autistic person’s health for signs of physical distress or health issues that may arise due to the emotional strain as they might not have that awareness themselves. Encourage healthy routines which include regular exercise, balanced diet, and adequate sleep, to support emotional well-being.

1. Patience and Understanding:

Be patient and understanding, recognizing that grief is a long process and that people need time and space to process their emotions. Avoid pressuring people to grieve in a particular way or within a certain timeframe.

Like neurotypical people, each autistic person is unique, so it’s important to tailor these strategies to fit their individual needs and preferences.

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